I have recently found myself in a rather peculiar position and, after much deliberation, have decided that I am being tested.  It’s almost like I am in an initiation of sorts.  Let me explain …

No more than a year ago, I was surrounded by everything and anything I could ask for.  I was blessed.  I had an amazingly supportive family, a great coach that I shared a unique relationship with, incredibly talented teammates who required me to be better each and every day, and ran for a school with a budget larger than the national deficit.  I didn’t have a worry in the world, or at least I shouldn’t have, but hindsight is always 20/20, right?!

Training was easy.  Sure, I had to wake up before the sun during in order to beat the heat cross country season or I’d have to read my books while on the training table in order to cram for an exam every once in a while, but when you really look at things, that’s not asking all that much.  There was always a clear cut definition of what was expected of me and as long as I was putting in an effort and simply asked appropriately, anything I needed was provided.

Now let us fast-forward, less than a year, to today.  Times aren’t quite as easy, cash isn’t quite as abundant (if there at all), food isn’t quite as lavish or varying and the lifestyle isn’t quite as plush.  There were definitely sacrifices that came with being a collegiate athlete, but those were lifestyle sacrifices (early to bed early to rise type stuff; no drinking during certain times of the year; etc).  The sacrifices I am required to make now are the material objects that I took for granted (tried not to however), but that are a necessity to the lifestyle.  For example, I no longer have my school to rely on for my training basics and yet I have not been able to convince anyone else that it is worth providing me with either. 

I write this entry from my bed; a pull out sleeper-couch in an ex-teammates dining room.  It currently has no sheets on it and, when pulled out, takes up 90% of the room.  I have enough room on either side to slide my feet along the floorboards, one in front of the other, sliding my body down the wall as I make my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  At the foot of the bed sits the dining room table which, since it was never used for eating, is currently my dual dresser and nightstand, piled with stacks of both books and clothes (dirty and clean, folded and not).  There is no doorway to the room, leaving no chance of privacy or the ability to sleep past the first of my roommates to wake (which isn’t a big deal anyways, because I’m a pretty early riser).  I am living in this room because my two friends were generous enough to allow me to live here rent-free.  You see, since leaving Charlottesville in December, I still have not been able to find a sublease for my apartment there, which I could only afford in the first place anyways because of the generosity of my parents and their concern for my health while training.  Therefore, having to pay a second rent was simply out of the question, even though I knew that this is where I now need to be.  I also just purchased a new pair of shoes and flats for the first time in a while and that almost broke the bank in itself.  Again, these are necessities we , as runners, require in order to stay healthy, which is priority #1, because if I’m not healthy, then I can’t train, race, and prove my abilities/worth to sponsors.  I also currently have a strict diet of Whole Wheat Rice, Beans, Eggs, Oatmeal, Peanut Butter, Bananas, etc.  Luckily, after years of having a steady diet of healthy foods, these are some of my favorite foods.  But we all know these foods.  These are the cheap healthy foods; foods that I can afford, but that also serve a distinct purpose for refueling my body.  It’s amazing how creative you become when you are having breakfast two or three times a day!

Now, are you ready for the kicker?  Brace yourself, because here it comes …

In this time of struggle, now, more than ever, I am happy!!!  I still feel blessed and I know I am exactly where I need to be.  Somewhere along the way, the lavish material possessions became insignificant.  As long as I have the basics and the ability to train, I have everything I need.  Even at this moment, as I sit here a broke, starving (semi-literal!) runner whose trying to fight off a sickness that makes me breath heavy on runs long before I even break a sweat (pause and think about that for a second … its really messed up), I know I am on the right path.  I can’t help but think about biblical passages at this time and God’s testing of his servants.  This is my time of testing.  I am not being tested by a higher power though.  No, I am being tested by all those great runners who have led this path before me and continued to run on, even when things weren’t “easy”.  This is my initiation into the world of post-collegiate running and guess what?!  I welcome it!!!  It gives me the sense of camaraderie and a feeling of having shared something, the lifestyle, the struggle, the pain, with all those incredible athletes who have come before me … and succeeded!   

How can I be so positive and excited at a time like this you ask?!  Let me tell you.  For the past year I have been able to dedicate my entire existence to the pursuit of my dreams, by doing the one thing that makes me happiest; training to compete and improving my body as best I can.  I have been able to wake up every day and experience the “trials of miles, miles of trials”.  This is something that only we true runners understand; the joy that comes from the pain and discomfort of our efforts.  From this, I know that I am preparing my body for what I will ask of it in the upcoming season, and I know that I am preparing it well enough so that it will give me the response I am looking for.

The one part of this point in time that I am not at ease with is my necessity to rely on other people.  This is not a characteristic that settles well with my personality.  And as hard as it’s been, I finally took the advice of those around me and put this to rest.  I could finally do this because I know that a day will come when I will be able to return this favor for those who have helped me, and hopefully for somebody else, like me, who is now chasing their dreams.  I look forward to being able to return this favor and finally giving the appropriate Thank You to all those who have helped me along the way.